Thursday, April 21, 2011

Unfortunate Circumstances.

This has been something I've been putting off for a while now and I think this is something everyone needs to hear. In the past few months, I've been talking with God a lot and trying to stay on the right track of being a christian and making myself stronger. You see, at my last Impact, I was praying to God and thanking Him for giving me a place to go to get away from my life, but He told me that wasn't what He put me there for. Impact was a sort of training thing for me. It was to prepare me for the real world when I go off on my own. So because He told me that, I've been trying really hard to be good and true to my faith in Him, but its been really hard with the lack of support. I've realized that the people around me don't seem to be interested in God anymore. When I'm with my friends, family, at school and even at church, I feel like every time I say the word God people cringe a little because they don't feel like getting into that topic for reasons I don't know. It seems like people are focusing on everything except God. Whether it be gossip, friends, relationships, school, work. Where does God fit into all of this? I know its something that people don't want to hear but it's true. I've been observing all these people and it breaks my heart. I know people go through changes, but God shouldn't ever be something you have to change. And for me, it's either a good thing or a bad thing. For one reason, this might be what He's giving me to prepare myself for being on my own and relying to heavily on others. Or it might be so that others don't rely to strongly on me. Either way, its tearing me up because it means I'm going to lose more friends. And that's the last thing I want. Even if it's what I need.

Monday, April 11, 2011


So this year, being a senior and all, I wanted to experience the full effect of the ending of high school, ya know, going out with a blast, a year to remember yada yada. Well in order to accomplish this, (and after three years I've finally realized) that I need to make it happen, so I've been attempting to participate in this years activities and just have a blast, even though I'm sick of high school at this point, I'm still trying. And the main thing I know I had to do that I hadn't done in my entire high school career, was going to the dances and I know that everyone wants to know how they were. I went to homecoming and it was very successful, then prom comes around. I knew that I wanted to go with my best friend and I knew that I wanted to go with a guy. However, I also knew that there was no guy that was going to ask me and I really didn't want to ask a friend to go to a dance that they don't know anyone because I know that I wouldn't want to do that. So honestly, I was a little bummed that I was gonna be the third wheel in our little party group. Then an event came up that caused my friends boyfriend to have to miss prom. So now I was a little excited that it was going to be a girls night. Then her boyfriend got sick and had to miss his event and was now able to go to prom. Then I got bummed again and started having thoughts of not going. However, I was promised by the couple that they would find me a date. My friend asked me all these questions about what I would want my date to be like. Then she matched me with her boyfriends older brother, whom I've never met. I said sure and they asked him and he said yes. Now I was excited to have a date, but I was also very nervous that we wouldn't have anything to talk about and it would be a bust. I was a little on the fence about it, but I wanted to give it more of a shot than not. I decided I wanted to at least talk to him beforehand so it wouldn't be TOO awkward. All we really talked about though was our colors and what possible plans might be. It wasn't really enough to make me feel comfortable, but I still wanted to try it. Then it was time. I got the call that they were all on their way to my house and I seriously felt like I was gonna throw up. When I saw them at my door, I felt a little better because I remembered my best friend was there with me and if worst came to worst, I would just ditch my date and talk to her. Then when I saw my date, I introduced myself and not gonna lie, he was pretty cute. Then my mom took her pictures and we went on our way. Unbelievably, he (my date) made a great first impression by opening the door for me. This for some reason made me feel so much better about going with him. Our dinner plans were changed and we went to Memphis BBQ instead because their uncle owned it and they wanted to stop by to see him. By this time, I was totally comfortable with my date because we were able to talk easily, we had a few things in common, he made me laugh and he was sarcastic. That scored some bonus points. We also had a little entertainment with our dinner when they waitresses started talking about their private manners very loudly in the booth next to us. After dinner, we headed off to the dance. When we got there and my date decided to take the lead to the dance. He lead us all over the casino with no luck. Then we saw another couple walking around, so we decided to follow them. Unfortunately, they didn't know where they were going either. Then some random guy told us where it was, and it happened to be the only place we didn't go. When we walked in, it was huge and beautiful. There weren't a lot of people there so we went to take our pictures and just sat down and talked for a little bit while we waited for more people to get there. Then my song came on (G6) and we HAD to dance to it. From there, my date and I basically danced for the next couple of hours only stopping to get some water or to take a short break. Afterwards, we didn't really have a plan, so I suggested mini golf. We went and were having fun making some insane shots, then this drunk party came in. They were being loud and obnoxious and one of them thought that I'd just gotten married because my dress was white and it glowed ridiculously under the black light. On the last hole, both of the boys got a hole in one so they get a free game. After we left, my friends boyfriend wanted ice cream. We stopped by Burger King, but they had already shut down their ice cream machine -.- So we went to Food 4 Less to make our own. While looking at ice cream, one of the workers asked if my date and I had just gotten married...Okay people seriously? Because the first place I'm going to go right after I get married is going to be a mini golf course or Food 4 Less. Really. Anyways. We took the ice cream to their dad's t-shirt shop to watch a movie because he said we could have it. Well, we get there and their dad is sleeping on the couch. So they just took us back to their house and we made our dates ice cream cones and laid on the bed and just hung out. Then, the night was over. You see, other than the fact that I had an amazing date and an amazing group, what I loved the most about the whole night was that none of it was planned except for going to the dance. It was all spontaneous and it all worked out. I finally went to prom. I danced away the night with a blind date. I couldn't have asked for a better night.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

High School.

I just recently started thinking about these past four years I've had in high school, and here's what I have to say about that.
First off, it's not all its cracked up to be. When I imagined high school, I thought it was going to be this glamourous thing where I would walk around the halls and make tons of friends and be involved in all of these activities and have tons of boyfriends. No. That was not the case at all. Instead, it wasn't at all glamourous. It was dirty and there was never time to talk in the hallways because my classes would always be on the other side of school from each other. I made tons of friends, my first two years. After that, it seems like everyone suddenly thinks they're too good for you. That's when I realized, people judge you so harshly and it hurts. Also, I was only involved in one activity and realized it wasn't what I wanted to do and I wasn't having fun with it anymore. Lastly, I had two actually boyfriends from school. One was a rebound and lasted a couple weeks and the other cheated on me. Not something you'll want to tell you're kids about.
Second, be sure to make friends with people your age. The majority of people you make friends with your first two years, will be upper class men because you want to feel cool and superior to your peers. But when they leave, you come to find that since you made all those friends, you didn't take the time to make any within your age, now you start to become a loner and have to start the whole friend making process over again.
Although high school wasn't exactly how I planned it to be, it was definitely memorable because it was probably the biggest learning experience I've ever had in my life. I learned that your friends in high school, aren't really your friends. Everyone uses each other to dominate everyone else and it's hard to tell the good ones from the other ones because people are so good at acting like they care. I also learned that you will be involved in drama no matter how hard you try to avoid it. You just need to learn to cope with it to the best of your ability so it does at little damage to you and the other people involved. I also learned that boys are stupid. I learned from how they acted and realized that I have high standards and I can't settle for less like the majority of the girls did. I learned a lot about life too. Just watching the people around me and having them tell me everything helped that. I also learned that people are people and they all need to be treated the same. I learned not to judge. Lastly, I learned not to care what people think. It doesn't matter because who are they to judge? What gives them the right? Oh jeeze. Its been a long rough ride, and although I wan't happy half of the time, I don't think I would change it for the world.