True Love.

This is to all you people out there who claim they're in love with their significant other and say they know what they want in a guy/girl. When asked what people want in another person, they say stuff like personality, looks, eyes, humor, and all that. Lets go a little deeper. Someone who you get along with so well, someone who you can have fun with, someone who gets along with all of your friends, someone your parents love, someone who is your best friend. Someone who will hold you when you feel alone, hold your hand when you're scared, and to have a shoulder for you to cry on. That all sounds like such a wonderful relationship. Like someone you'd want to marry. Well, before you marry them, we're going to go a little deeper. If you really love this person, you NEED to be WILLING to do ANYTHING for them. And when I say anything, I literally mean ANYTHING!! One of the crap parts about life is that its unpredictable, and bad things can happen. Lets say your significant other gets in a terrible car accident and has permanent brain damage or gets so sick that they can't take care of themselves anymore? If you love them, you will be the one to step up and do it without complaining, not even once. This may include changing them, getting them out of bed, brushing their teeth, giving them a bath, and even having to go to the bathroom with them and wiping for them. Sounds gross right? I beg to differ. Regardless of the fact that those are some disgusting tasks, I think its beautiful. I pray that this would never happen to anyone, but it sometimes does and you need to be ready for it. When you know you would be willing to wipe someones butt for them without complaining because you love them that much. That's true love.

Happiness.

When most of us think about happiness, we think about the things that make us happy and we could make a list of everything that does. But why do we consider the things we have or don't have, define our happiness? Just because you don't have the shoes that everyone else has, it turns your day into a bad day. Or if you do have something others don't, you become happy because you've one up-ed them. So you being better than someone makes you happy? Yes, there are those few people who are just happy that they finally got something they've been wanting for a long time and earned it. But I really want you to think, isn't the main reason you get excited about some things you get is because you know someone else doesn't have it? Whether you think you do or not, everyone has done it at lease once in our life, and that kind of sounds similar to seeing someone hurt to be happy. When you rub it in their face (even if you say you are just telling them, you're not, you're rubbing it in) it hurts them and you get that sense of dominance or that you're better than them. Why do we have to be so cruel? We do this without knowing it and it makes it even more sad that this is something that we've sort of supposed to function like. Its what the world has made our minds into and it breaks my heart. This is what happens when we conform to the patterns of the world. So lets not. Lets change it and be different. Stop trying to be better than everyone. Stop trying to determine your happiness on what you have or don't have. Determine it on making yourself happy and making it happen yourself. One thing I know that truly makes most people happy is when they've done something for another person to make them happy. Just be happy. Sure, there are going to be some bad things that happen or even sad things, and its ok to take some time to mourn if needed, but don't let it take over your life. We need to keep moving forward because nothing is going to wait for you in the past. Only in the future. That what you need to pursue. Not the past. But you be too dependent on the future either because you'll forget to live now. Today is a gift, that's why they call it present. If we all really relied on the world to make us happy. We would be really messed up because the world is a messed up place and chances are that its going to disappoint you more than it impress you. And just take some time to relax a little each day. Take a breather. Don't think about anything. Just empty your mind and relax. It helps you to calm down if you're having a bad day. I'm not going to tell you ways to make you happy, that for you to decide.

Unfortunate Circumstances.

This has been something I've been putting off for a while now and I think this is something everyone needs to hear. In the past few months, I've been talking with God a lot and trying to stay on the right track of being a christian and making myself stronger. You see, at my last Impact, I was praying to God and thanking Him for giving me a place to go to get away from my life, but He told me that wasn't what He put me there for. Impact was a sort of training thing for me. It was to prepare me for the real world when I go off on my own. So because He told me that, I've been trying really hard to be good and true to my faith in Him, but its been really hard with the lack of support. I've realized that the people around me don't seem to be interested in God anymore. When I'm with my friends, family, at school and even at church, I feel like every time I say the word God people cringe a little because they don't feel like getting into that topic for reasons I don't know. It seems like people are focusing on everything except God. Whether it be gossip, friends, relationships, school, work. Where does God fit into all of this? I know its something that people don't want to hear but it's true. I've been observing all these people and it breaks my heart. I know people go through changes, but God shouldn't ever be something you have to change. And for me, it's either a good thing or a bad thing. For one reason, this might be what He's giving me to prepare myself for being on my own and relying to heavily on others. Or it might be so that others don't rely to strongly on me. Either way, its tearing me up because it means I'm going to lose more friends. And that's the last thing I want. Even if it's what I need.

Prom.

So this year, being a senior and all, I wanted to experience the full effect of the ending of high school, ya know, going out with a blast, a year to remember yada yada. Well in order to accomplish this, (and after three years I've finally realized) that I need to make it happen, so I've been attempting to participate in this years activities and just have a blast, even though I'm sick of high school at this point, I'm still trying. And the main thing I know I had to do that I hadn't done in my entire high school career, was going to the dances and I know that everyone wants to know how they were. I went to homecoming and it was very successful, then prom comes around. I knew that I wanted to go with my best friend and I knew that I wanted to go with a guy. However, I also knew that there was no guy that was going to ask me and I really didn't want to ask a friend to go to a dance that they don't know anyone because I know that I wouldn't want to do that. So honestly, I was a little bummed that I was gonna be the third wheel in our little party group. Then an event came up that caused my friends boyfriend to have to miss prom. So now I was a little excited that it was going to be a girls night. Then her boyfriend got sick and had to miss his event and was now able to go to prom. Then I got bummed again and started having thoughts of not going. However, I was promised by the couple that they would find me a date. My friend asked me all these questions about what I would want my date to be like. Then she matched me with her boyfriends older brother, whom I've never met. I said sure and they asked him and he said yes. Now I was excited to have a date, but I was also very nervous that we wouldn't have anything to talk about and it would be a bust. I was a little on the fence about it, but I wanted to give it more of a shot than not. I decided I wanted to at least talk to him beforehand so it wouldn't be TOO awkward. All we really talked about though was our colors and what possible plans might be. It wasn't really enough to make me feel comfortable, but I still wanted to try it. Then it was time. I got the call that they were all on their way to my house and I seriously felt like I was gonna throw up. When I saw them at my door, I felt a little better because I remembered my best friend was there with me and if worst came to worst, I would just ditch my date and talk to her. Then when I saw my date, I introduced myself and not gonna lie, he was pretty cute. Then my mom took her pictures and we went on our way. Unbelievably, he (my date) made a great first impression by opening the door for me. This for some reason made me feel so much better about going with him. Our dinner plans were changed and we went to Memphis BBQ instead because their uncle owned it and they wanted to stop by to see him. By this time, I was totally comfortable with my date because we were able to talk easily, we had a few things in common, he made me laugh and he was sarcastic. That scored some bonus points. We also had a little entertainment with our dinner when they waitresses started talking about their private manners very loudly in the booth next to us. After dinner, we headed off to the dance. When we got there and my date decided to take the lead to the dance. He lead us all over the casino with no luck. Then we saw another couple walking around, so we decided to follow them. Unfortunately, they didn't know where they were going either. Then some random guy told us where it was, and it happened to be the only place we didn't go. When we walked in, it was huge and beautiful. There weren't a lot of people there so we went to take our pictures and just sat down and talked for a little bit while we waited for more people to get there. Then my song came on (G6) and we HAD to dance to it. From there, my date and I basically danced for the next couple of hours only stopping to get some water or to take a short break. Afterwards, we didn't really have a plan, so I suggested mini golf. We went and were having fun making some insane shots, then this drunk party came in. They were being loud and obnoxious and one of them thought that I'd just gotten married because my dress was white and it glowed ridiculously under the black light. On the last hole, both of the boys got a hole in one so they get a free game. After we left, my friends boyfriend wanted ice cream. We stopped by Burger King, but they had already shut down their ice cream machine -.- So we went to Food 4 Less to make our own. While looking at ice cream, one of the workers asked if my date and I had just gotten married...Okay people seriously? Because the first place I'm going to go right after I get married is going to be a mini golf course or Food 4 Less. Really. Anyways. We took the ice cream to their dad's t-shirt shop to watch a movie because he said we could have it. Well, we get there and their dad is sleeping on the couch. So they just took us back to their house and we made our dates ice cream cones and laid on the bed and just hung out. Then, the night was over. You see, other than the fact that I had an amazing date and an amazing group, what I loved the most about the whole night was that none of it was planned except for going to the dance. It was all spontaneous and it all worked out. I finally went to prom. I danced away the night with a blind date. I couldn't have asked for a better night.

High School.

I just recently started thinking about these past four years I've had in high school, and here's what I have to say about that.
First off, it's not all its cracked up to be. When I imagined high school, I thought it was going to be this glamourous thing where I would walk around the halls and make tons of friends and be involved in all of these activities and have tons of boyfriends. No. That was not the case at all. Instead, it wasn't at all glamourous. It was dirty and there was never time to talk in the hallways because my classes would always be on the other side of school from each other. I made tons of friends, my first two years. After that, it seems like everyone suddenly thinks they're too good for you. That's when I realized, people judge you so harshly and it hurts. Also, I was only involved in one activity and realized it wasn't what I wanted to do and I wasn't having fun with it anymore. Lastly, I had two actually boyfriends from school. One was a rebound and lasted a couple weeks and the other cheated on me. Not something you'll want to tell you're kids about.
Second, be sure to make friends with people your age. The majority of people you make friends with your first two years, will be upper class men because you want to feel cool and superior to your peers. But when they leave, you come to find that since you made all those friends, you didn't take the time to make any within your age, now you start to become a loner and have to start the whole friend making process over again.
Although high school wasn't exactly how I planned it to be, it was definitely memorable because it was probably the biggest learning experience I've ever had in my life. I learned that your friends in high school, aren't really your friends. Everyone uses each other to dominate everyone else and it's hard to tell the good ones from the other ones because people are so good at acting like they care. I also learned that you will be involved in drama no matter how hard you try to avoid it. You just need to learn to cope with it to the best of your ability so it does at little damage to you and the other people involved. I also learned that boys are stupid. I learned from how they acted and realized that I have high standards and I can't settle for less like the majority of the girls did. I learned a lot about life too. Just watching the people around me and having them tell me everything helped that. I also learned that people are people and they all need to be treated the same. I learned not to judge. Lastly, I learned not to care what people think. It doesn't matter because who are they to judge? What gives them the right? Oh jeeze. Its been a long rough ride, and although I wan't happy half of the time, I don't think I would change it for the world.

Start Of My Walk.

This past weekend I went to my last impact weekend and it was very emotional for me. I had to say goodbye to the one thing that would keep me sane when I needed it the most. God would always put me on the right track when I would veer off from my negative surroundings. However, I did realize that that wasn't the reason why God wanted me to be in impact. It wasn't because it was supposed to be something to keep me on track, it was supposed to be kind of like a training camp for the rest of my life. I've been in impact for the past four years, and those four years were to teach me about God's love and will for man so that I could go off to the world and teach everyone else all that I've been taught. I was told about a man who wouldn't put his head to rest on his pillow until he told at least one person about Jesus. That was so inspiring to me and it makes me want to do incredible things for Jesus around the world. I keep getting this thought in my head that Jesus is going to use me for something more, something much bigger than I could ever imagine. This weekend, He filled my heart and sent me out to do His will. I want to come back to impact next year, but I feel that God wants me to move on. I feel like He trusts me to go off to college and be strong in Him. And I'm starting to believe that I'm ready.

Worst Week Ever.

So this whole week has consisted of me going to school and sleeping. I've been so sick and i just don't have any energy. I hardly eat because everything sounds disgusting. In the meantime, my cat has been staring at my wolf wallpaper for hours. Like she's just waiting for one of them to move so she can have a reason to attack them instead of jumping against the wall and looking like an idiot. I don't know what to do with this girl, but I love her and I don't judge...Anyways, I'm off to Arizona this weekend for my last impact trip :( I'm going to make this the best last weekend. I'll record it to go on my DVD for my senior year since I just realized I don't have any real footage of it. Well I'm off to get ready for my last band concert of my high school career. Adios.